Tuesday, 31 August 2010

The Queen's Meme #51 - The Cooking 101 Meme

Mimi of The Queen's Meme has sent this in....

Welcome to The Queen's Meme #51
It's called the Cooking 101 Meme

I could use some cooking advice. In fact, I could use a LOT of cooking advice. Would you indulge me? If you've read my blog very long you know that my kitchen disasters are legendary. I have a few culinary questions for you. Please feel free to share recipes!! (and instructions on how to decode them)

1. What is the best dish you can cook?  Where's the kitchen? You're not asking me to cook something are you. Probably cornflakes.

2. Do I have to beat eggs or can I whip them gently? Sounds so violent to me. I think you need to beat them until they start to yolk.

3. I am reading a recipe right now for Hearty Beef-n-Cheese Pie from a recipe book I dug out of the cabinet. The instructions read..."Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In large frying pan, brown ground beef, onion and green pepper."
I am already lost. Why must I turn on the oven and put the frying pan in it? And how does one turn beef AND peppers brown at the same time?!
What color should the onion be? They are telling you that the onion might as well be rainbow coloured. It will still taste the same. I'm confused about just what ground beef is. Has it been left on the floor?

4. Did you ever cook something for your family that no one enjoyed and you had to throw out? No one has asked me to. They don't want food poisoning.

5. Why do all recipes say "mix sugar, flour and salt?" Don't they cancel out the other? I would think so too. The concoction sounds like a very evil brew.

6. Why must you add eggs "one at a time" to a mixing bowl? Does anybody really know the answer to this question? It's simple really. Try throwing four eggs in the bowl in one go!

7. Please post the recipe to something you think even I can cook.

Get 1 cracker.
Spread butter on top of cracker.
Select a type of cheese you prefer, and slice some on top of the cracker.

I am begging you! It is no fun being a afraid of my own crockpot.

Your Hungry Queen

Monday, 23 August 2010

The Queen's Meme #50 - The Back To Fools Meme

Mimi of The Queen's Meme has sent this in....

Welcome to The Queen's Meme #50
The Back To Fools Meme

For those quietly insane adults hanging around after the kids have returned to school.

The house is quiet. No more carpooling twelve kids to the mall. No more fighting over the computer and the TV. I wonder if you learned your lessons this summer. Answer the questions in complete sentences, double-spaced, typed with footnotes, annotations and a bibliography. I'll take that by Tuesday afternoon if not sooner. And please, if you have any questions, raise your hand..
There will be a pop quiz tomorrow.

1. Do you know your primary colors? Describe for me, if you will, the colors red, blue and green to a blind person. (*hat tip special friend for this most excellent question!*) Well red is the stuff that comes out when you hit someone, blue is the colour of the sky when I daydream out of the window and green is how I feel after eating rschool lunch

2. What was your adult summer reading?  It was between the pages of my maths homework until the teacher confiscated and read it himself.

3. When you assembled your clothes last night for today's activities - you did do that, didn't you? - what did you choose to wear?   Nothing the school would approve of...detention again!

4. What's in your lunchbox?  That's a rather personal question! I'll show you when we're round by the bikesheds.

5. Imagine that your teacher is your fantasy crush. What would you bring her/him on the first day of school? Hmmmmm??? Two tickets to Brazil

6. No rest for the weary. Your child's teacher just called. A big ole' bully knocked your precious one into a locker for no good reason at all.
What is your response to the principal?  Stop the bullying in this school or I'll knock you senseless!

7. You have been given a pair of scissors, a glue stick and copy of Entertainment Weekly. Whose picture do you cut out and who do you glue to your headboard?  Any smug celebrity so I can throw darts at it.

8. TEN POINT BONUS QUESTION! Now that you have time to watch all those Gilligan's Island reruns, tell me....What was the Professor really doing with Mary Ann all that time they were lost in the jungle?  I have no idea, but they both came back with a smile on their faces.

And remember this uplifting quote:

"If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers."

— Edgar W. Howe
Did someone just throw a spitwad at me?!!!

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

The Queen's Meme #49 - The Watch Me Watch You Meme

Mimi of The Queen's Meme has sent this in....

Welcome to The Queen's Meme #49

It's called The Watch Me Watch You Meme. So hunker down with your spyglass and bourbon, don dark sunglasses if you choose and tell us your deep dark and guarded secrets. Or not.

1. I have given you a pair of binoculars. If you could watch anyone in the world in the act of being creative or creating something, what would you choose to watch?  The mind boggles at the ideas! I loved seeing the artist paint my portrait in November 2008.

2. Turn your head to the left. What do you see? Explain its significance in your life. I see my cabinet full of Royal Doulton china, with the complete 24 Dickens figures, 12 Lord of the Rings figures and many others. I've always been proud of them.

3. You are watching a parade. You see a float float by (they float, don't they?) with three of your favorite people on it. Who are they? Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett & Meryl Streep

4. What do you like to watch on television?  Sadly, they ended this year. Lost and 24. Also gone is Prison Break, The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Battlestar Galactica,

5. Your blog is under surveillance by the Blogwatchers Association.
What are they watching for? Probably for the same reason we all visit blogs!

6. Watch out! Your greatest superstition has befallen you. What do you "watch out" for on a daily basis? That I don't encounter anything with 13 in it. Last week, I overslept on Friday 13th.

7. Have you ever "watched" at a wake in the deceased home or funeral parlor? No, that sort of thing doesn't happen in recent times here in Britain, although I know in the 1930's and 1940's, there was a tradition of putting the deceased laid out open in the back room. I'm glad I wasn't around then!

8. Name one thing you always want to be awake for. The next day, definately Failure to be awake would be a major downer.

9. What is the next opportunity you are waiting or watching for? A good opportunity to have time away from the office. So few and far between.

10. You are standing guard in Central Prison. It is your job to watch the prisoners online activities. What site would you recommend to someone in prison? A male to female prisoner chatroom! Definately not a vacation booking online service.

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

The Queen's Meme #48 - The First Thought Picture Meme

Mimi of The Queen's Meme has sent this in....

Welcome To The Queen's Meme #48
The First Thought Meme
(sans the ink blots)

I would like to pick your brain today. Let's see what's lurking under the old cranium pot. And since I have to do TWO memes today due to my recent affliction with all things sea and I haven't finished building my sandcastle yet.... I'll make this one easy.
Here are the guidelines:

I will give you a picture. You will give me the first word that pops into your head upon seeing the image. It doesn't have to be just one word. It can be a sentence, a question, a joke, a caption, an explanation or whatEVER your gray matter conjures.
Scary. No? Don't cheat!
Just relax on Mimi's couch and do what the good Doctor Pencil Skirt says. Ready?

1.  The level of the National Debt
2.  A selection of shoes for one-legged women
(They are made of chocolate. You may buy them here.)

3. Brother, I think there is an eavesdropper somewhere.
4. Batman has the week off, so his assistant WitchWoman has agreed to help.
5. That last meal you did had me spooked!
6. Some trees have unfortunate shapes or I have women on my mind!
7. The hotel you will be staying at is basic, with a view outside. Firm locks on the door.
8. Darling, you must give Muriel her wig back.
9. The school was previously used by the fire department.
10. I don't care what you say, Gerald, I am not going to help you change the tyre.

Oh. I forgot to tell you. Based on my astute psychological evaluation and pencil chewing abilities, your answers could land you in my graces....or in the dungeon. Padded cell optional.

Monday, 2 August 2010

The Queen's Meme #47 - The 'If I Could Say One Thing' Meme

Mimi of The Queen's Meme has sent this in....

Reporting live from the shores of the Atlantic, we have The Queen's Meme #47.
Welcome to my beach castle.

Did you think I'd go away again and forget to post these questions? Not likely. Ahem. Well...I did that once but that's beside the point. Here I am with sand in my flip flops and a new set of questions for you. It's called the "If I Could Say Just One Thing'. If you could say just one thing to the so-and-sos of the world and in your life what would you say?
Don't think about it too much. Just write the first thing that pops in to your head. It doesn't have to be just one word.

If I could say just one thing to.......

1. Mel Gibson "Can someone please put some duct tape on him?"

2. Lindsay Lohan "Dhe probably thinks the orange outfit could be a great fashion item."

3. Chelsea Clinton "Chelsea, tell youe Dad, please leave the bridesmaids alone!"

4. The Pope    "How did you get elected?"

5. BP Oil Company "This sure is a slick company."

6. My ex  "You missed your chance."

7. My IPOD or computer  "Now this the time to cease functioning."

8. My favorite or least favorite teacher "Now see how he has turned out!"

9. My family "Do you know what a meme is"

10. My blog (What? You don't talk to your blog?) "Give me some inspiration!"
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to finish building my sandcastle.
See you soon on Mimi Writes with more pencil skirt beach reporting.
Have fun with the meme.
And pass the sunscreen......